|
at my sisters house still
she is at work and i am sitting here with our new cats
frankenstein and chloe.
frankenstein's back legs are fused together so they dont bend and she walks like she has a ghetto booty, i love her with all my heart.
she is handicap but doesnt even know it. she acts just like she is the same as chloe who is almost a month younger then her but twice her size.
it's weird how a cat can make you think.
she was almost put to sleep because the vet said she would never make it, but someone had faith in her.
and look at her now, she runs around, jumps on the couch, attacks me just like a cat with no problems.
just one person having faith can change someones life.
my sister is that person for me.
i had a mental break down the other night, i just sat on my sisters couch and cried. nothing sparked it.
it all just added up. she let me cry and just get it all out.
it felt good to tell someone everything you are feeling and have them not look at you like you are insane.
all my problems are still right there, but atleast i know she is here for me no matter how bitchy i can get.
brandan has put up with so much from me in the past month i feel so bad.
i treat him like shit sometimes just because he scares me.
he says he loves me no matter what, and he has seen me flip out and cry for no reason.
i just dont want to let him down.
i can see him struggling to help me, but really how could he help someone who cant even help herself?
i love him for trying, but i just dont want it to end up like it did with luis.
we still loved each other but it had to end because i just wasnt happy, it was nothing he did
it was all me.
luckily i got over it, with brandan i cant imagine getting over him.
he is my best friend, the one that sticks with me.
the one that makes me happiest.
the one that has my back no matter who or what i'm up against.
i am having a sit down with my mom as soon as she comes to huntington, i need to talk to her about fixing this.
it's out of my hands now, hopefully someone else can help me.
if not i dont know what i'm going to do. i cant imagine living like this for much longer.
i have been praying a lot lately, but it makes me feel retarded, because i havent gone to church in so long.
i dont like my church, it just seems like its shoving god down your throat
i want a church that is understanding and not full of old people.
i love being a catholic girl, i may not understand everything in the bible, but i do believe.
i feel like i only pray when i need something or i'm scared. is that wrong?
am i a fair weather catholic?
wow, that is way too much writing.
i'm over it.
going for a walk.
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
touch_me_im_sik's journal